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Posts Tagged ‘men’

I stumbled across a thought today in the super market. I was looking around watching the men shopping for weekend before Australia Day barbecue probably, because there was an unusual amount of men around. I like watching Aussie men because they feel so comfy. And then it hit me: “They are not confused about what they are or what they should be.” The Australian culture is pretty clear about its ideal man, agreed upon by all, mothers, sisters, brothers, mates, teachers, customers, children… Everyone agrees on what a decent, good Aussie bloke is like. It’s not like that in many countries. We have sub cultures, different ideas and ideals, metrosexuals, gangs, players and stayers, in Australia, all of those fall under one; A good Aussie bloke. (Or maybe it’s fair dinkum Aussie bloke?)

A good Aussie man has a great sense of humour. That is the requirement number one. Maybe that’s why I haven’t yet seen one believable emo in this place. They have to know how to joke and how to take a prank. They are a cheery bunch, and when I met my nephews(-in-law) for the first time, the most prominent feature of either one was a beaming smile. (Both of them are so damned skinny they nearly disappear behind all that smiling they do.) Even when the Aussie men are serious, you can’t completely wipe out the humour, which is similar to the men of my home county back in Finland, maybe that’s why I feel so at home here, someone described them as: “being with a straight face but not serious”.

The Aussie bloke loves his shed where he pretends to be working on things – sometimes he even manages that. Mainly the shed is for male bonding purposes, but working is definitely allowed. The shed is an important part of even the life of Aussie gay men, who instead of chopping wood or working on a boat create art in their shed. Completely allowed.

Ideally, the Aussie Bloke is a sports man. What ever sport he chooses is good, but the heights of masculinity cannot be surpassed if you are an Aussie Footy player. (That’s Australian Rules Football.) Whether you like footy or not – some idiots here hate it, they’re all women though, and if not, they at least should wear a skit – everyone is in agreement that a footy player is definitely a good bloke (or in trouble with the police for violent behaviour or sexual offences, which is definitely not looked favourably upon and is not fit for a good Aussie bloke).

It is also worth a mention, that it is very much allowed for that Aussie bloke to be a good father and a family man. In many cultures, when a man marries, he loses some of his masculinity, and automatically becomes “pussy whipped” as they say here. That is the general assumption, and men with family and kids are kind of snickered at for getting themselves “trapped”. The same is not true in Australia. A man with a wife and kids is still every bit the man as he used to be before he fell in love. (Just to compare, some American male celebrities are instructed to hide the fact they have families in order to still be cool.)

But really, these rules are not that rigid. As long as you’ve got a sense of humour and you can make people (girls) laugh, and you’re fair (dinkum?), you’re alright, no matter what banner you march under…

And not all that surprisingly the best clips to describe Australia are beer commercials…

Popularity: 90%

We all belong to groups. Me for example, I am a woman, Barbie-collector, dog-person (or more specifically a spaniel-owner), nerd, photo model, fashion designer, migrant, wife… There are a lot of stereotypes to go with all of those groups. I’m in luck for not being blond and big breasted, I suppose, as that would give me a whole new stereotype. I even believe some of these things do come with a generic personality or even a body type (where you wouldn’t think it does). However I like to see these stereotypes as positive challenges rather than something I have to constantly “battle” against. Let’s take men and their attitudes towards women for example.

Let’s say I’m chatting with someone to get help with a php-script I’m working on, and find that my adviser is assuming I don’t know much about what I’m doing because I’m a girl, maybe. Do I take this as an insult towards my intelligence? Nope. I think it is a fair assumption to make that since I’m a girl I haven’t been involved with computers ever since I learned to crawl, and also most people, male or female, don’t know much about php. Instead I use language that indicates the level of my knowledge, and use the fact I am a girl to my advantage; If I don’t know something I’ll just say “you’ll have to excuse me for not knowing that, I’m just a girl you see. ” Do I downplay other women by saying that? Possibly, but I’m sure you girls can do your own fighting, and once most of us know what php.ini is, men can stop treating us as if we didn’t know.

Same thing with dating guys. I command to be treated as an individual. The way I do this is by not getting insulted every time a guy makes a reference to women who are bad drivers or who are too clingy or what ever. Let’s face it, there are a lot of women who drive really badly. I can handle my car, and the fact that other women can’t is an advantage to me and I can impress guys by knowing what a solenoid is. Most guys don’t know what a solenoid is and even though I have learned things I know mostly from guys, what sets me apart from other women is that I pay attention and I am interested in such matters. This in itself is impressive to most guys and what ever stereotypes people may have about women I take them as “they’re talking about the others, not me.” (Until they come up with a stereotype I fit in. Like girls like pink. I love pink, but since that’s true, it is not going to offend me.)

But knowing about guy stuff doesn’t mean you have to stop wearing pink and collecting Barbie. In fact, that’s just an attractive contrast to most guys. Femininity is a turn on as long as it doesn’t mean a complete shut down of the masculine side of things. I can watch AFL footy enjoying it tremendously while styling the hair of a Barbie. These things can go hand in hand if you allow them to.

I think one of the biggest flaws of a woman is to be touchy and easily insulted. Same goes with any group that gets insulted for every little thing that is said about them, like lets say black people who take offence every time someone mentions anything about black people, true or false. People who take themselves and their group too seriously are quite difficult to hang out with, and the last thing people want is to spend time with someone who is easy to offend. (It is because you have to throw your sense of humour out of the window and constantly be aware of what you say and how you say it so that it can’t be taken the wrong way. It is stressing and tiring.) There is one more advantage of treating yourself as an individual; it gives you a reason to do so with others as well. I swear I have never believed “All men are pigs” or anything similar, because to me each man is an individual to be found out. Sure, I have made generalisations of the like “Finnish men are hard to talk to” but at the same time I know that there are some Finnish men that are really easy to talk to.

Generalisations are sometimes often useful but they should not be treated as a fact. Each individual should be compared to the generalisation and decided where they are different, because it is very rare that a person will fit a stereotype in every aspect, and it is very rare that a person doesn’t fit any stereotype in any aspect. Also we need to be aware that some stereotypes are complete rubbish (like all black people steal) while some can be more accurate like “most men are not good at picking up women”. And it all starts by realising, that if you decide for that person what he’s going to think about you before you even give him the proper information about you, how is he ever going to know the real you? And if you think you can’t make men (white people, or the people who’s country you’re living in) change their mind about you, what does that make you? Someone who can’t let go of a prejudice, maybe?

Popularity: 21%

Have you ever thought about the pressure that men are under when growing up to become good men? Us women are giving them hell about things. They need to perform in bed. They have to last long to pleasure a woman. They have to learn what each woman likes in bed. They have to be loving and caring to make us love them and at the same time be masculine and scary to turn us on. They have to open doors, pay the bill and carry bags for us. They have to be taller than us and dress nice. They have to earn a good living and be home by dinner. They have to Read the rest of this entry »

Popularity: 73%