INFP ‘s fight the good fight
I had a very unusual experience today. I’ve been active on an INFP group on Facebook for a couple of weeks now, completely exhilarated by the similarities of the people there, sharing similar core values, enjoying an understanding deeper than on any forum or group I’ve ever been a part of. Today, there was a topic that was the first one to annoy me. Being a sucker for a good fight, I jumped right in to give that annoying bitch a piece of my mind. It went on for a couple of hours, and then she commented: “I would like to like some of your posts, but they’re like a double edged sword…” And I’m thinking: “No that’s what YOUR posts are like…!” And then I melt down as I realize what’s going on.
She gave me a taste of my own medicine! Even the post that got me so riled up in the first place could have been from my own pen. I started thinking about the whole exchange and the more I thought about it, the more I started to giggle, and the more of a high I got. For the first time ever (?) I didn’t need to pity my opponent. It was a good fight. A fair fight. She could reflect my punches and return them with a sleek slap from “behind”. On the surface, calm and collected, but on the flip side – bitterly vicious. Well, it didn’t get to vicious yet, but I could tell that if I would have turned up the heat, she would have had what it takes to return what ever I threw in her direction. It was AWESOME. The most exhilarating experience I’ve had in a long long time.
INFP ’s are described as people who avoid conflict, but what is often ignored is that once a certain threshold has been crossed or their core values have been violated, they are fierce fighters. They are dangerous, because they are so perceptive that they can get under your skin quite effortlessly and stick it where it hurts. For the longest time I thought this was just my personal talent, but after talking to a bunch of INFP ’s, I know it’s a trait common to most of us – given that some of us are more tempted by a good fight than others.
After a fight or any confrontation (I’ve been blogging about confrontation a lot lately) I usually feel absolutely crap for days because I know I can deliver a hit below the belt with such accuracy that most people cannot return, and any attempts of it are feeble at best, leaving the “opponent” in emotional distress. Ironically, one of my core values is not to hurt anyone needlessly. Even when I’m knowingly restraining myself from going too far, I can deliver a message loud and clear. This time, I felt awesome because I knew that even though my INFP opponent would be emotionally drained and exhausted after the fight, she would come out of it okay. No lasting damage done, because she knows herself, her core values, and there’s no ugly truths about her she’s oblivious to (= hiding from) that I can throw in her face. (Not that I had to go that far, even if I could have.)
At the end of it, I had to send her a message tipping my hat to her as she was battling valiantly against a group of people defending one of her personal core values. It was such a noble, good fight too, because everyone was at it in order to defend others, not their own views, directly. I wish everyone could pack a punch like her. 
The world would contain so much less misunderstanding, tip toeing around a problem and whispers in the shadows out of fear of hurting feelings. Even though INFP ’s are said to be very sensitive, I do think they have an inner strength of an unusual kind… They feel the pain but they don’t buckle down in fear of it, they take it with bravery and yell out: “On to the barricades! In the name of all that is good and just!”
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About Me
I am a (anti-)feminist childfree INFP blogger, a life coach, and a writer. If you'd like me to write for your blog or other publication, don't hesitate to ask.
I am Finnish and live in Australia.
I have had a personal website in this address since 2001 and made my first personal site in 1998 - hooked ever since!
Yep, good fights are nice, and so are people willing to fight for their beliefs, particularly when they’re alone against many.
I used to get quite a “bloodlust” back when I was active on forums, say something that got 20-30-50 people on my case, become (as is natural) more convinced that I’m right the more I was told I was wrong (corollary, if a significant percentage of the people in any sort of community agree with me, it means I need to get back to the drawing board because I missed something) and get even calmer and more energized and up for more the angrier and more frustrated they got. That made me think better while they did so more and more poorly and let me poke fun, twist words around, play with the flaws in their arguments to keep them on the defensive without even giving chances for them to get to mine anymore and so on. And, of course, as a benefit of otherwise being your own worst critic and generally having very little ego and self esteem, could always stun everyone by agreeing with being called various things, whether in full (for immediate effect) or in part, with exceptions and explanations that could be turned back against those who threw whatever intended insult it was at me before they knew what hit them. Good times.
Then, of course, THAT happened and I withdrew into my shell more and more, was no longer active in groups of any significant size, then in basically no groups at all, at times, more recently, start just sighing and moving on when I’d otherwise have felt like taking people on… Still enjoy debates, can occasionally still get a trill if in the right mood and preferably not against a person I’m close to, still can’t be angered by a person who tries to achieve this, still don’t think I can be seriously “touched” by anyone but her, but now it usually has to be one on one and my willingless to get into it, not to mention continue, mostly depends on getting a bit above rock bottom that day… Which doesn’t last long usually.
Meh. Just one more of those things…
But yes, always appreciate good fighters, good opponents. Even if they oppose you, at least they stand for something. The masses are just… there. Apathy, being easily manipulable, lack of interest, ignorance, those are a worse problem than those who valiantly fight for goals and causes that oppose yours.
Ah, so THAT’s how trolls think! I’ve been wrecking my brain to understand their point of view! I’ve wondered myself sick why anyone would like to do that… It’s the fear of being same as everyone else. Fear of going with the flow. I understand the appreciation of originality, but I see where it can go too far: It’s the point when you need to argue for the sake of originality, to the point where truth becomes secondary value to the originality of thought. It’s more common than you think, Cavalary.
Not necessarily. I’d take on trolls and set them straight just as well, in part because I tended to end up a moderator. Sort of a rule with me on forums, whether I ended up a moderator or banned tended to have to do with the order in which things happened.
Then again, just got banned once (after what I heard were 2 votes on making me a moderator and 3 on banning me, until a majority could be formed for any opinion), on a forum where there was someone who had an attitude that pissed many others off. Yet elsewhere she seemed rather nice and those messages tended to almost always just be posted in one section, which I didn’t read, but saw a few echoes here and there kept being told by people I knew personally that she was doing this and that and they couldn’t stand her, but she was a friend of the admin so that was that… Until I finally looked through that section, saw exactly what it was all about, me and her “locked horns” and the whole thing went to hell in a handbasket, more or less.
On the other hand, moderator 3 times… Which twice resulted in bitter to warlike relations with the admins, but I was the one holding things together and they seemed too otherwise occupied to handle issues so I guess they deemed I was necessary regardless. (The other time I quit almost as soon as the “promotion” because I felt it was too much to handle.) Plus getting a sort of job offer from the admin in the 4th scenario.
But, yeah, all history now.
As for originality, I tend to say that I prefer quality over originality, something similar to something else but done very well over an (even decent) attempt at something new. However, saw a quote once saying something along the lines that if you look over the course of history, you’ll see that the majority was hardly ever right, and that’s perfectly true. Also say that the tremendous majority of people are nothing but selfish, violent morons who like nothing more than to walk all over the few who are different. Therefore, if a significant number of people, other than those I know, consider to be different in that way and trust, agree with me, it most likely means I’m wrong. Having “the general public” oppose my view is of course not a sufficient condition for it being right, but it is a necessary one.
For an INFP, It is that crazy moment when you know EXACTLY what to say to inflict a stinging barb into your opponent. Like a premonition, like a sixth sense, that knows exactly what you are about to say, and you know it’s a bad idea (because it will hurt their feeling), but you do it anyways. Our values are being attacked and there is no backing down until your opponent is emotionally eviscerated.
Our ability to read the negative emotional state in the room and to bring harmony within a group is also our greatest weapon. If INFPs have the cure, we also have the disease.
What usually drives this killer instinct in me is when my opponent THINKS they know me well enough to inflict emotional pain. This kind of presumption on their behalf is so offensive to me…because they don’t know me at all. They have no idea what kind of person I am; my values; my loyalties and to ATTEMPT to intrude upon my personal belief system is unforgivable. It doesn’t matter which value they trod upon, it is that they attempted to do it at all. Emotional amateurs.
Other types need to realize that we have a penchant to self-destruct. We procrastinate, and since we have the ability to see patterns and possibilities, we also know the consequences. Yet at time “we don’t care”, the “world is a harsh place and we just live in it”. We are flexible and adaptable and willing to feel negative emotions to feed our main function, introverted feeling. In a fight an INFP is not afraid to ramp up the debate and even make wild illogical statements. The consequences of going too far in this type of argument do not scare the INFP…the world will be a better place, once you have been put back in your place.
Is this a fair fight? Probably not. Does this go against our penchant to avoid conflict? Does it ever! But most likely we were defending a cause greater than ourselves. And that is the true heart of an INFP.
Oh I enjoyed that. Thank you for the comment – too perfect to add anything to apart from “that’s it!”