1. I don’t think it is actually a case of BDSM misunderstood. throughout the article and in your response to comments, there is no case made out of BDSM being misunderstood either by the dominant or the sub. Both are aware of and understand BDSM; in the case of the dominant [male] it is unwillingness [perceptions of reasons for unwillingness differ between what I said in my first comment and what you believed you heard] whereas for the sub, it is reconciling with the realization that the partner is unwilling ['So the girls leave the topic alone'- as you wrote]. So, it is essentially not practicing BDSM and not as much misunderstanding.

2. At some stage of discussions you made a point that more men do not actually understand BDSM [you asked me whether I understood BDSM]; to this again I have to say, men DO understand and are aware but..more men do not practice it.

3. Couples with good understanding & trust are known to be practicing and enjoying it equally; stats? I have no idea.

4. I would have-if I had written-and since you wrote, if you allowed me to, rephrased the title to “BDSM: Do You Believe and Practice?”.

Pushhyarags last blog post..Do I Deserve One, Yet?

Other part of your comment I can get some hold on is this: “When a man is unsure if he could actually dominate his partner knowing she would only feel completely…” and I take issue with the word “could”. It’s not that he thinks he could not, it’s whether or not he should. Is it accepted? Would any female actually enjoy it?

Okay, maybe I’m way off the main point of your comment.

There is overwhelming reason to believe that women actually fantasize being overpowered and dominated while enjoying the feeling of being slaves of their master. But I don’t quite think the male friend who told you he did not want to dominate someone actually implied, as with many males, it could tantamount to a challenge to the physical prowess at the moment of getting into the act. The act of sex is a fusion of physical and psychological facets of two people. When a man is unsure if he could actually dominate his partner knowing she would only feel completely won over if he came equal to the task with due prowess, he pretends being modest & considerate. Far from being a mindset among men, I think it is a syndrome. So, more often than not the woman, not being able to live her fanasy derives vicarious enjoyment fantasizing in a vast majority of cases. Some insignificant proportion of couples may however succeed. That’s how far I could stretch my restraint to produce a view! . But it is quite possible also that I am way off on the main point in your article as well.

Pushhyarags last blog post..Do I Deserve One, Yet?

As for the dynamics of BDSM, I think that’s the key… trust. You’d have to have an awful lot of trust in each other to make sure none of it gets out of hand. But then, relationships in general are like that.
Tony Singles last blog post..Favourites of 2008 #2 [Trottersville #93]

The limits are given by the submissive, the scenarios are planned out in advance, (I probably should put that into the post) so the power is always with the sub, even though it seems completely opposite. The limits HAVE to be set by the sub, because everyone is different. Physical pain happens to be a big turn on for some people. I think most of us enjoy some amount of pain, but some like a lot, sometimes things that others would consider being completely intolerable. Stepping on testicles with high heels comes to mind. Some men actually like that! Most couples have an unrelated safe word, like “banana”, which is used when the play gets too rough and the sub wants to slow down or end the play. Couples who are into BDSM have a deep trust between them, especially sub toward the master, because the master CAN NEVER HARM the sub, and if he (or she) does, the trust is broken and can be hard to mend.

Tony Singles last blog post..Favourites of 2008 #1 [Trottersville #92]