I am writing a second post with this topic. The first one didn’t really answer the question, as it was from the point of view of a migrant proving that the relationship between the native spouse was genuine. Now I thought I should take an attempt to answer the question people are looking for - this is my #1 most read topic.

I have to start by saying that if you are asking that question you have a big problem. You have maybe done something that gave your loved one an idea that you don’t love him or her… Like cheated on them or hit them, and you really can’t blame them for not believing you love them. The second situation is that the person is so damaged emotionally, that she or he cannot believe ANYONE could love them. A common case with mentally and/or physically abused children, who sometimes believe that you say you love them just to trick them into something.

First you have to ask yourself if you really truly do love this person. Often when our love is denied or questioned, we get so wrapped up in the thought of love, that we miss the point; we DON’T really love them and they were right. Why do they think you don’t love them? Answer that question first. Is it really that you want what is best for them, which is the reason you insist on hanging out with them, or is it that you just can’t take rejection? Do you just want things to go your way? Did you do something? The most important thing for you to do is calm down. Be patient and take a step back. Give them space. Let them know that you will be there when they need you. That might not work for you, especially if you were the one doing the damage. If it was their parents or guardians or bullies at school, you have a little better chance of making it. This will require patience.

I had a boyfriend like this once. In fact, he never became my boyfriend, as he didn’t believe I loved him or even wanted him around. I still don’t know what happened to him to give him that impression, but I know his childhood wasn’t a happy one. He mentioned once that his father used to beat up his mother. If I have learned anything, the father would then have been abusing him as well, mentally or physically or both.  I think I finally got the message through to him when it was too late. I had already moved on and my life was in a very different place. I just happened to meet him somewhere and we ended up sharing a few days together. I had him crying in my arms for something, I don’t know what he cried about, and I told him that I had always loved him. He said the same, without resistance, for the first time. It took me ten years to get through to him. That is the amount of patience you sometimes need… And sometimes, like in my case, it is still not meant to be. I met someone else soon after, and while I was thinking about this guy as well, I ended up marrying the other. I still do worry about him, I still wish he will find happiness, or that he has found happiness and peace within himself. I don’t know what has happened to him since then, but I do wonder. I believe in reincarnation though, so I’ll meet him again. He’s been hanging around me for 2500 years so he’ll be there for a few hundred more I’m sure. (But that is another story.)

Back to your dilemma, why do you want to prove that you love this person? Let’s have a discussion in the comments, shall we? I can’t wrap my head around enough examples to answer all the questions, but I’m willing to give it a good Aussie go if you ask. But I’ll be brutally honest, so be prepared.

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