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Most bloggers are hoping to receive comments to their posts. That is pretty much the reason they keep posting. If there isn’t any posts to their topics, they think nobody cares what they said and very likely stop. It’s still tolerable if you can tell nobody knows about your blog, but when you see in your stats that people read it but  nobody says anything, it can really drive you on the walls. I certainly don’t post as much as I would if there was comments on my posts, even though I have come to think the following:

The reasons I post a comment:

1) I read a blog post that is a fairly good one, but could be better. I have something to add or point out.

2) What the blogger said was so god damned idiotic, that I just have to tell them how things REALLY are.

Then there’s two reasons for not commenting:

1) The post was so pointless that it would be waste of my time to say anything.

2) The post was SO GOOD, that it would be pointless to say anything, because the only thing to add would be: “Hey, great post” and that reeks of someone after your Google Juice.

Now, the thing for you to do is to decide whether your posts are god damned pointless or simply amazing, and figure out which is the more likely reason for the lack of comments.

Popularity: 71%

I know we all have them. Here’s mine.

1 “I HATE THE NEW LAYOUT – CHANGE IT BACK -groups.

FUCKING GET OVER IT! The net is a constantly changing medium, the layouts change, the content changes, the purpose of the sites sifts and evolves, the crowds change, people move on to other things, what was great today is sadly forgotten the next day… (Do you still remember ICQ, when having an ICQ button on your website was as sign of being up with the times? Now it’s overrun by spammers… Things do change.)

You better get used to changes, constant changes, or you’re going to be so overrun by them that by the time you’re 50 you’re completely incapable of adapting into the world and you’ll live the next 50 years stuck in a time warp that is called 2010. If you don’t change and adapt with the smallest of changes, what chances do you have with the big ones?

2. I am not going to pay X dollars monthly to use Facebook -groups

Would it hurt to do a little bit of studying before joining these groups? Facebook is not going paid, it has never even considered it. They make their revenue in advertising costs and the more eye balls there is to see those ads the better it is for Facebook. Do you think they’d charge for you to view those ads and risk losing your balls? No way. Read the official Facebook blog once and a while if you’re so god damned worried.

3.  “Please repost this as your status update” chain messages

Three words for you: Fucking Google It. The chances that these warnings have the slightest to do with reality are slim to none. People LOVE scaring you and that’s why they put those up. They’re nothing but baits and every time they see it reposted, the fuckers who started it are going to have a good laugh at your expense.

There are numerous of websites dedicated in keeping track with the latest hoaxes and they probably have an entry for what ever you’re tempted to repost. Select a part of the message and copy it to Google search in quotes, and you’ll find the original message and if it’s valid or not. (Or don’t Google it and simply ignore it, I don’t care, just don’t repost it blindly!)

4. Facebook is not going to inform you of changes relying on your friends’ status updates.

You have seen those popup messages that appear when a layout has changed or the TOS has been updated etc? When Facebook wants you to know something, they will use that pop up message that you can’t miss until you close it. What they won’t do is send out a status update hoping that users will copy paste until everyone has seen it… You do understand that, don’t you? People who run a network of millions of people are pretty organised, effective and skilled in what they do. They don’t do silly shit like that.

The bottom line: Stop being so fucking gullible and think before you post/join!

Yes, I love you, but please stop driving me up the wall with those updates, dear friends!

Popularity: 69%

Our bodies are roughly speaking made of these elements: Skeletal structure, lean muscle tissue, organs and fat. They all have a weight, and 2 of these react fast to starvation (and fast weight loss) diets. These two are the muscle tissue and fat. Sadly, the fastest one to go is muscle tissue, which you really don’t want to lose, but there is a way to avoid it.

Quite unfortunately, we’ve been brainwashed to think that the number on our bathroom scale shows how fat or thin we are. This is only half of the truth. While our weight can go down, the amount of fat in our body can remain more or less the same. Also, two people of same height and weight can have a different amount of fat stored in their bodies, and they can wear very different size clothes.

I started monitoring my weight and eating habits at the beginning of the year. Last week, I put on 0.3 kg of overall weight, but my body fat percentage went down for nearly one percent. (Measured with fat calibres.) In four weeks, I’ve gained 3.36 kilos of lean muscle tissue and lost 0.9 kilos of overall weight. That means, that I have lost 2.46 kilos of pure fat, even though the scale only shows 0.9 kilo drop in weight. I did this with very little exercise. (How surprising is it that the Biggest Loser competitors bust their ass off and sometimes only lose about half a kilo a week? They really should be measuring fat percentages, not weight on the scales!) If I had been exercising, the amount of muscle tissue would have been greater, which would have burned more fat – not the exercising itself that much, the thing that burns most fat in our system is the system itself; organs and muscle. While we can’t add to the mass of organs, we can add muscle tissue. While I sit here and type I’m burning fat, because I have given my body enough to food and nutrients to sustain my bodily functions for the day, so it doesn’t have to worry about wasting fat to enable my fingers to move on the keyboard. If I hadn’t eaten enough, it would enable my sitting position and my typing motions by reducing muscle tissue and using that as fuel.

You think I’m kidding, right? Nope, the key to fat loss is not starvation, it’s eating the correct amount (which is shit loads actually) and the right stuff each day, five times a day, at the right time, sleeping during the right time of day and drinking enough water. That may sound complicated, but it’s a lot easier than hardly eating a thing and making excuses to friends and family for it.

Why I bring up anorectics here, is that I want to make you understand that starving yourself will make you fuck ugly, just like over-eating does. There, I said it. You will deprive yourself from the beautiful muscle tone that you can have ONLY by feeding your body. You can exercise all you want and get nowhere; your body won’t give you gifts like that for nothing! You must feed it in order to be beautiful. You have to make peace with your body so that it can give you what you want. Now, you don’t have to feed it fat, sugar and calorie dense food, in fact, it will not like that one bit, but you do need to feed it vegetables, (all you can eat) and a decent amount of meat, be it chicken, beef, fish, organ meat or what ever. I will not give you definite quantities, because I would do you a disservice, you will have to find out the right amount for yourself… And the best way I know how to point you in the right direction is to tell you to buy / get your hands on Donna Aston’s book “Fat Or Fiction”. (And her other books.) I am not an affiliate, I just know she knows her stuff – well, she taught me everything I know through those books. The book is sold out in most stores, so check out Amazon’s second hand offers. It’s still out there. (It’s her on the cover.) To get you started though, I’ll tell you this: You can’t over-eat vegetables. They are very low on calories, and rich in nutrients that your body needs for fighting for your health (and beauty!). If you add a couple of average size tins of tuna each day, you’re already on a good path – but, there’s A LOT more you need to eat and know, so you really do need to read the book because I can’t possibly condense all that information into one blog post. It is very specific, as you can imagine when you do things to the point that even typing burns fat! I promise she’ll be inspiring to read, and as an anorectic, you already have enough self discipline to carry out the program to perfection. Use that to your advantage.

I’ve never been anorectic, nor over-weight, but I have been over-fat. I know what it feels like to have a flab belly, even though people say I’m not fat at all. I felt fat. The reason for it was that there was not enough muscle tissue to support my belly, and it hangs on uncontrolled and flabby. It still does a bit – I’m not at my goal yet, and I am going to add a bit more exercise to my routine to help my body build muscle.

One more thing: The more muscle mass you loose, the slower you burn fat. Don’t you want to make sure you have enough muscle on your body to keep the fat in check? Read that book and get to know what you’re doing. If you know an anorectic, buy that book for them – read it yourself first if you want to make sure you’re not giving them bad information, it won’t hurt you either, reading it!

About Donna Aston

Links to some book stores that still her books:

http://www.holisticpage.com.au/_Donna_Aston.php

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1876462094

http://www.abebooks.com/servlet/SearchResults?an=Donna+Aston&sts=t&tn=Fat+or+Fiction&x=36&y=16

This book is not one of those fad-diets that last 6 months before someone debunks them. Donna’s information is valid, real stuff which will help you to make better.. No, PERFECT choices when it comes to nutrition, it takes the guess work out of it.

Popularity: 57%

Recently I read a story of an “unappreciated mother” who complained how she does everything for her kids being a single mom, but the father of the kids get all the glory even though they only see him for a few hours a month. Now, I found it very hard not to gloat, being childless by choice, but I do understand that she didn’t ask for it and she went into it hoping for the best like every parent always does. However… Having a little different point of view to motherhood than most women, I wanted to ask you fence sitters a few questions…

First; If your children never said they loved you, never gave you a voluntary hug, and even at the age of 25 still thought you were kind of silly and stupid, well past their teen years that is, would you still want to be a mother? Don’t you think that even if they didn’t yell at you and call you names, but just didn’t give you respect and love that you think you deserved, but treated you politely enough without putting much emotion into it, wouldn’t you feel robbed? I happen to believe that this is very common, of all the people I know, only one calls their mother to tell her good news or to tell them they feel kind of blue. The rest would rather cut out their tongue than call their mother for support.

Do you think you can avoid problems by raising your kids well? Do you know how old your kids will be at the time when you no longer will be their most important influence in life? Do you realise, that you can’t control every aspect their life after they go to school, and this will bring in bad influence, as well as ideas that you might not agree with. (Religion or the lack there of for example.) The sad fact is, that you will have very little control over your child’s development and choices, a lot less than what you would want to have. The time when you are most inexperienced at raising a kid will be the time that the foundation for the world is laid… They say. Scary, no?

You do realise of course, that no matter how much you might want someone to take care of you when you get old, your kids might not be even in the same country let alone by your bed side?

Thinking of a basically good person, law abiding and who gets along with other people and is a well-rounded individual, imagine the worst kind of a (16-30 year old) person you can think of. Someone idiotic, as you would see them, who you really can’t get along with. Someone who’s values are completely different to yours, who seems to always do things wrong… Say; how they see work: “I only work for money” “I don’t want to work” “I want to be really rich one day”. How they see house work: “I have to get everything clean” “Oh don’t worry, I’ll go back to bed in the evening, there’s simply no point making the bed!” Or how they see other people and their value: “That kid doesn’t have a job, there’s no way I’ll hang out with him.” “I don’t care who I’m friends with, as long as they accept me.” Someone who disagrees with everything you say about religion and morals – which ever way you see them – and now, imagine that person is your kid. And don’t even think it’s not possible to have kid that different from yourself, how much like your parents are you really? And then, what about me for example? Do you still want to be a parent, if this was your kid, or your only kid? (Go as far backward towards the ideal and see how much you think you would not be able to forgive and how close to your ideal the kid should be that you will be able to love the child so that even the child knows you love them, without criticism and bad feelings.)

How about this: When your kids call you, your first thought is: “Do you need money?”

I know you mothers will now say: “I will love them despite all that.” And I agree, you will. I know you will, I would. But you see, no matter HOW MUCH you love them, even if it was so much it hurt and your heart was ready to bust out of your chest, that is unconditional love. Regardless of the fancy reputation unconditional love has, it’s cheap. It’s cheap, because it comes unconditionally, without demands. It’s undeserved. Your kids won’t give a shit of your unconditional love, if you can’t accept them as persons – and sadly, many parents don’t. Kids need acceptance from you, not unconditional love. They know that acceptance comes because you’re proud of them and they did good… That is what your kid is after, not your undying unconditional love. As much as it’s unconditional, it’s granted. It can, and will be taken for granted. If you don’t love your kid unconditionally, then you’re nothing but a shit mom, you get where I’m going with this? Screw the love, can you accept them?

I don’t even go as far as to birth defects, as they horrify us all anyway.

If you can live with the risk, then you might be mom-material… I would be too, if I was guaranteed my kid would be much like me or my husband, but good heavens if they turn out like one of their grand parents! … Or they never grew up past 5 years of age. The trouble with them is that there’s no return policy with them. Maybe there should be though… We could swap them around so that we would get a good parent/child match… I think a lot of parents never think about their children as adults, only as little cuddly thingys that are lovely and squeezable… And they raise them under the assumption there’s “plenty of time” to deal with issues and problems. And a lot of times, mothers carry a lot of guilt for not raising their kids “better” even though the kid was very happy about their life, but the mother thinks it’s not right – let’s say that your kid didn’t want kids of their own, and you thought in order for them to be happy they need a child, and since they don’t want one, it must be your fault… Etc etc.

There’s a few of the more complicated reasons I’m on this side of the fence.

Popularity: 83%

I stumbled across a thought today in the super market. I was looking around watching the men shopping for weekend before Australia Day barbecue probably, because there was an unusual amount of men around. I like watching Aussie men because they feel so comfy. And then it hit me: “They are not confused about what they are or what they should be.” The Australian culture is pretty clear about its ideal man, agreed upon by all, mothers, sisters, brothers, mates, teachers, customers, children… Everyone agrees on what a decent, good Aussie bloke is like. It’s not like that in many countries. We have sub cultures, different ideas and ideals, metrosexuals, gangs, players and stayers, in Australia, all of those fall under one; A good Aussie bloke. (Or maybe it’s fair dinkum Aussie bloke?)

A good Aussie man has a great sense of humour. That is the requirement number one. Maybe that’s why I haven’t yet seen one believable emo in this place. They have to know how to joke and how to take a prank. They are a cheery bunch, and when I met my nephews(-in-law) for the first time, the most prominent feature of either one was a beaming smile. (Both of them are so damned skinny they nearly disappear behind all that smiling they do.) Even when the Aussie men are serious, you can’t completely wipe out the humour, which is similar to the men of my home county back in Finland, maybe that’s why I feel so at home here, someone described them as: “being with a straight face but not serious”.

The Aussie bloke loves his shed where he pretends to be working on things – sometimes he even manages that. Mainly the shed is for male bonding purposes, but working is definitely allowed. The shed is an important part of even the life of Aussie gay men, who instead of chopping wood or working on a boat create art in their shed. Completely allowed.

Ideally, the Aussie Bloke is a sports man. What ever sport he chooses is good, but the heights of masculinity cannot be surpassed if you are an Aussie Footy player. (That’s Australian Rules Football.) Whether you like footy or not – some idiots here hate it, they’re all women though, and if not, they at least should wear a skit – everyone is in agreement that a footy player is definitely a good bloke (or in trouble with the police for violent behaviour or sexual offences, which is definitely not looked favourably upon and is not fit for a good Aussie bloke).

It is also worth a mention, that it is very much allowed for that Aussie bloke to be a good father and a family man. In many cultures, when a man marries, he loses some of his masculinity, and automatically becomes “pussy whipped” as they say here. That is the general assumption, and men with family and kids are kind of snickered at for getting themselves “trapped”. The same is not true in Australia. A man with a wife and kids is still every bit the man as he used to be before he fell in love. (Just to compare, some American male celebrities are instructed to hide the fact they have families in order to still be cool.)

But really, these rules are not that rigid. As long as you’ve got a sense of humour and you can make people (girls) laugh, and you’re fair (dinkum?), you’re alright, no matter what banner you march under…

And not all that surprisingly the best clips to describe Australia are beer commercials…

Popularity: 87%

This new year has started off great for me. I think it was the 2nd or 3rd of January, when I went and got my aura photo taken, as I’ve always been curious about it. Without going into a great detail, I’ll just post a photo…

Me with my logo created in 2007 and my aura photo 2010

But what has to do with this post today, is that green area. Green on your left side of the aura (my left) means healing that is coming to your being. The closer it is, the faster you’ll feel it’s effects. In my case, I think I already was feeling them when I got the photo taken, so I wasn’t surprised. I have been healing since the beginning of the year both physically and psychologically, but mainly the latter. I have understood a great variety of issues I’ve been struggling with all my life, some of them I’ve managed to put to rest.

The main issue: My mother.

As those who know me, know I have mother-issues. The issues stem from my deep respect for my mother, and a great need to make her proud. Instead of making her proud, I’ve always felt like a complete failure in her eyes in every regard, even though I’ve been proud of myself in my own eyes. I have been carrying a lot of anger about it (the red in the edges of my aura, btw) but it wasn’t until about a week or two ago that I understood the real problem. It wasn’t that she was disappointed or disapproving, it was because I, myself, have been carrying a lot of quilt for not being “the right kind” and disappointing her. That is not to say that she would be happy about me, but what I understood was that it doesn’t matter. It is not my duty to be the perfect daughter. I am what I am, and the only thing I can possibly do with what I am is to run with it. If my mom can’t let go of her quilt of not doing a better job at raising me, it’s not really my problem anymore – although I wish she will get over her quilt. As soon as I realised my own quilt, I was able to let it go – even though I’ve always thought my mom should somehow release me of it. I felt powerless to release myself.

Now that I have let go of my quilt, I can appreciate my mom in a completely new way. She doesn’t have to be perfect, she’s only a human as well, even though I always saw her as a goddess. Failing to be a goddess, I became angry at her for it. Not really fair, is it?
Second issue: Those without talent train

We have a humorous saying in Finland, “those without talent train”, meaning, that the talented ones are perfect as they are and should not be forced to practise their craft. Unfortunately, I have always taken that kind of seriously, even though I knew it wasn’t intended being serious. I don’t really edit my writing after it’s done. I hate fine tuning things, and I give up as soon as something turns into something resembling work. The reason why I do this is because it always gives me an excuse that if it’s not perfect, it’s just because I didn’t put the same amount of effort into it than others did. I have now understood this, and admitted it publicly. Maybe the next step could be that I can start training and practising. (In Finnish, we don’t have the dual meaning of “practising”, which in English can be used together with a professional in the field, even the professionals are still practising in English, which is just fantastic. In Finnish, professionals don’t practise anymore, they just work.)

Third issue: I have to be the first, the only one or the best

This has been a life long issue for me. I can’t STAND losing or being second best at anything. If I have a sneaking suspicion that I’m not the best, I rather pull out of it completely. I use rationale like: “Oh I can do it by myself.” or “I don’t know, it didn’t look like something I’d enjoy doing for any length of time.” Now, I have to come to terms with the fact that I am not the only writer, the first writer nor the best writer in the world, but that doesn’t mean I couldn’t be one of the respected (or paid!) ones. That will have to be good enough. It should be good enough for anyone.

So, I have joined a writers community online, and who knows, maybe soon I will read out stuff to people who also write and who write in a native language and who will know if I suck… Or if I’m good.

And maybe, just maybe, I will be able to publish an ebook and say that I want money for it, even though I’m not the best writer in the world, I still might deserve a pay.

Fourth issue: I need attention

Yesterday I was reading about attention seeking behaviours and was relieved to find out that even though some of the short descriptions of a mental disorder applied to me, at least I don’t resort to bullying and manipulations in my attention seeking. In fact, most of the methods do not make sense to me at all, like if I want attention TO ME, I see no sense trying to pretend to be someone else or something else, like some of these people do. Admitted, I did use some of these attention seeking tactics quite knowingly a couple of months ago when I pulled the “oh poor ol’ me toiling my tail off for you guys”-routine and felt quite uncomfortable doing it, but I wasn’t going to let my hard work go unappreciated and cast aside when it deserved an opened arms -welcome. It worked, to my horror. I’m never going to do that again. The point of this is that I must accept that I have human weaknesses. I am vain. What can I do other than start/continue doing things that are worth of attention and make sure people take notice. If they don’t, there’s nobody to blame but me.

So all and all, it’s been an exercise in taking responsibility of myself, long time overdue at that. I have been living on about 1/10 steam, so maybe now I’ll be able to kick myself into gear. Wish me luck (and courage).

Popularity: 67%

When I was a kid, I remember fondly that my mother never kept secrets from us, me and my brother. She always sat us down when there was something serious going on, and begun the talk by: “I’m going to tell you something that you should keep to yourself but it’s best you know what’s going on if people start talking about it…” She always let us know that it wasn’t common for kids our age to be informed of such matters, but that she trusted us to know what things we should be discreet about – and we did. I felt appreciated and respected, and safe – I knew nothing bad would happen behind my back.

Most often parents keep secrets from their kids in order to protect them from the world, to save their innocence I suppose. This leads to a lot of misunderstanding in so many different areas of life, that I cannot even begin to phantom what I would be like if I hadn’t been told everything my mom told me. I knew that my great grand father left his wife to go to America, and that my great grand mother started hating men for it. I knew one of my relatives wasn’t a blood relative but adopted. I knew, at the age of 12, that my best friends parents were getting a divorce because her father cheated on her mother and he had decided to move together with the “new woman”. I knew my other good friends father had been cheating on her, and that they were thinking about getting a divorce, and I also knew that my friend got an excessive amount of Barbie -stuff from both parents because they were trying to let her know they both still loved her and that I shouldn’t be jealous of those toys. I also knew, that her mother went into the bedroom of the other woman, told her husband to get his stuff and get his ass home and told the other woman that their affair is now officially over and she’s taking her husband back starting right now. He never went back to the other woman. I felt tremendous pride of my friends mother,  I thought she was a heroine, and her husband the luckiest man in the world.

I knew when my fathers friend killed himself and I knew why. I knew of mental illness in the family. I knew there was one guy in the (extended) family lighting his house on fire every now and then to get insurance money for crying out loud. I knew that there was alcoholics in the family, and I knew my father didn’t drink because he was worried he might become one too. I never drank because I was worried I might not be able to handle booze. My parents helped me to see around corners and to know that things like that HAPPEN all the time, to people we know, and nothing is more abnormal than normality. I learned early on never to judge people, or myself, for their failures or their flaws, or their mistakes, because we all make them. I learned not to be ashamed of my own thoughts and feelings and “weirdness” because if I’m that way, the chances are there’s someone just like me being that weird, and if there’s someone else that weird, it must not be that weird in the first place.

I understood, that even though there are things you might want to be discreet about, those things are never quite as bad as they might seem at first. (Monsters live in the dark.) And I learned that what ever happens, people survive and live through their difficulties, life goes on even thought it looks scary and impossible at times. And even the thought that my parents might get a divorce didn’t really sound that scary any more. Me and my brother sat down with one of our aunties, who we had mutually agreed to be the best choice, and said; “Auntie, if something would happen to our parents, will you take care of us, please?” She said: “Oh dear darlings, of course I will.” I forgot about this, until my auntie brought it up years later, but to us, it was probably enough to know she would be there if we needed her one terrible day.

I don’t know about my brother, but instead of feeling scared by the grown up’s world, I felt informed, and therefore like I was in control of my world, and that if something would happen, I would be heard and my opinion would have been taken into account. I was being treated like a person, with valid points of view. And I felt trusted and respected. And I also felt it was safe for me to grow up into the world, because I knew what to expect from it – no fairy tales, but real life. Not many things would completely blind sight me. That is by far the best thing my mother ever did for me, and sadly, it is a thing that most parents shy away from, have always done.

Thanks mom for being straight with me.

Popularity: 76%