Surprising studies about being childfree

postimage-childfreebingoMy Twitter keyword alerts tell me when something interesting happen in the world of childfree people. Lately it’s been all about Two Is Enough, I’m sure you all know about it if you are childfree and haven’t lived under a rock. Anyway, this one article based on Two Is Enough, kind of surprised me well beyond any other article written on the basis. According to the article there have been two major studies, that both busted a myth. One myth being that children and having a family is the most fulfilling thing you can do with your life. A survey of 20,000 people shows, that ONE THIRD of the respondents wouldn’t have had their family had they known then what they know now. I thought one tenth would be about right, but one third blew me off my chair!

The second myth that I gladly saw busted was that despite the persistent “you’ll regret not having any” isn’t true either. Apparently it s far more common to regret having children than it is to regret not having them. There was no wide spread regret shown in the study of 171 “childless folk”, says the article.

The reason why it seems that nobody regrets having children is that it is a complete and utter tabu to say it out loud. If I had children I would NEVER confess to it. I would say I love my children, which would be true, and that it is amazing to see them grow, which would be true too, and the furthest I would go to warn anyone about not having children, I would say it is a personal choice that everyone should make for themselves. I would never in a million years confess that I thought my children were a mistake. Regardless, I have heard people confess this to me, even strangers who say they wouldn’t have had kids if they made the decision on a hind sight. And I haven’t heard anyone say the opposite, so at least as far as my personal testifiers go, it goes along with this study.

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  • I have heard about that book, as I am almost finished writing a book about childfree myself. There are also studies (which I discuss in my book) that show that couples without children are happier than couples with. And another study shows that people are rating "children" lower on their list of importance than they used to, in regards to making a relationship work.

    Anyway, all good stuff! I really don't think most people regret not having kids, other than perhaps fleeting moments like on holidays decorating the tree or some such thing. Those rare moments are few and far between for me.

    Kidfree Kaye
    www.kidfreeandlovinit.com
  • Yes, I have had those fleeting moments, but I often find them being about not having a "purpose" and my life feeling pointless. Parents often tell you how kids fulfil your life, which is probably true. I just fail to see the point of producing more people to live an equally pointless life just to do the same on their turn.

    Good luck on your book! I started taking your survey too, but I think I already took it earlier at some point, it started to feel very familiar and looks familiar too... Don't know. :)
  • KidfreeKaye
    Yep, "purpose" is one of my biggest conundrums in life. I am very interested in having a purpose here on earth, and fulfilling some kind of purpose in life. (My partner, on the other hand, has no such worries.) I am dedicating an entire chapter in my book to "purpose", as there may be many CFs who share my concern.

    I've always thought that raising well-adjusted children would be a difficult task, but serve a purpose and perhaps even be a gift to society. But there are many other ways to do good on earth besides procreating, and I've learned thru the years that adding kids to this world (the way it's going) might be doing them an injustice. I wouldn't want to be born today, would you? In fact, that's the subject of the chapter I am writing now, which I better get back to...

    P.S. You may have already taken my survey, as it's been out for two years and has over 2,900 respondents. However, I do have a new survey called the "Childfree Dating Survey", which you may want to take...
  • Well, I don't necessarily consider this world a bad place for a child, after all, we don't consider cutting open each other's stomachs and winding the intestines around a stick while our kids are watching a proper form of punishment anymore... Mostly we live in peace and harmony amongst each other and heads speared next to a highway is not exactly a common sight like it was some time ago. We don't even dump toxic waste willy nilly into a completely healthy pond anymore. We would even object to a mistreatment of an animal. I think the world is becoming a better place by the day, so that is not my reason for not wanting kids. Over population maybe, but that's it. Would I want to be born today..? If that was my only option, then yes, but I would prefer mid 40's so I'd be a teen for the start of 60's. :D There was a lot more to be done with the world then. Life had PURPOSE... of a kind.
  • KidfreeKaye
    I agree there are many things better in the world today as humans become more civil and less barbaric. But much of the green behavior we do out of necessity as our resources are dwindling, and we realize we need to take care of our earth.

    I do think life for children is more complicated and stressful than when I was young. My nieces and nephews are not having the great childhood I had. I also think it would be harder to be a parent today. And, like you said, life in this country had much more hope, change, growth and accomplishment in the 60s than it does now. Now, countries like India and China are going thru that exciting growth phase, while America seems to be aging and waning...
  • Well... I'm not from "this country", which might explain a little of my more positive view. I wouldn't want to raise a kid in USA either... Not necessarily for the reasons you state though... I am Finnish living in Australia, and both countries seem perfectly fine for raising kids. Finland has better support system, but Australia has brilliant schooling, even though Finns are supposedly raising the smartest kids in the world at the moment, but that is if you don't have an artistic bone in your body in my experience. :p

    As for stress... I don't know. I know I was stressed out of my brain when I was a kid. I had a good home and I did well at school, I had friends. Despite all that I was a nerve wreck because my self-esteem was non-existent. And for that I cannot blame the world, the other kids did okay.

    The trouble with American kids is the crossfire between sexualisation and strict moral values. They probably don't know which way to turn. On the other hand they have peer pressure and on the other hand the parents who try to still fit them into a 50's ideal. How could that possibly not be stressful? In other countries the pressure of being proper vs. sexy is a lot less prominent... And natural. We let our kids grow into it by instinct and not by pressure.
  • Sorry I was commenting while logged into Facebook, which I didn't intend to do.
  • Between November 2004-July 2006 Laura S. Scott conducted a Childless by Choice Survey. 171 self-selected, voluntarily childless/childfree individuals (single, partnered and married) living in the U.S. and Canada participated in the survey 121 (71%) of the respondents were women and 50 (29%) of the respondents were men.

    Participants were asked to rate eighteen statements reflecting frequently cited motivations for remaining childless on a Likert scale from 0-5, to the degree to which they identified with that statement or the degree to which it applied to them in the course of their decision making. A zero rating would indicate that the motive statement was not applicable or that the respondent did not identify at all with that statement. A higher number would indicate the relative degree to which the respondent identified with the statement, a rating of five indicating a very strong identification with the statement or an acknowledgment that it is, or was, a primary motivator in the decision to be childless/childfree.

    The respondents rated the following 18 motivation statements and were invited to add their own http://www.childlessbychoiceproject.com/Childle...

    My husband and I have been celebrating making the childfree choice for over 30 years now. We frequently make eye contact with one another and fondly say: “I love not having kids with you.”
  • Anne
    I say that kids are a burden to people who don't plan to have kids, although I don't think that way at all. Opinions are quite strong on both sides, as you well know, so it's simpler to just jump onto the other side if you don't want to argue with a stranger ;)

    I'm quite sure that the people that regret having children, have small children (younger than 8 years old). But I haven't read the study so I don't know.
  • Don't know either, but I have had a conversation with one (I know, just one) woman who was middle aged with grown children and she said she ALWAYS tell everyone, including her own children, not to have children if they can think of living without them. She said without hesitation that she, even though she loved her children, regretted having them. I would guess that the highest regret rate would be with the small children, but I don't know what difference that makes. Kids are kids, and it's those early days that shape them into adults, and if their parents are regretting having them at that age... It cannot but effect the way they interact with them.
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