My Dear Hard Drive

@Phoena is a childfree woman who is running a website about it. I found her “Childfree bingo” quite thought provoking, as to how people view themselves, their lives and what is important to them. Childfree bingo is a game for people who don’t want to have kids; Every time you hear one of these objections/comments/encouragements, you can tick of a box in your bingo card and so on. I’m not going to play bingo, but to wonder…

Why don’t you have kids?
This question represents a person who hasn’t ever stopped to wonder why they have kids. They are the same people who ask you questions like: “Why don’t you drink?” The answer is simple; Because I thought about it and decided it wasn’t something I want to do. When you return the question in reverse, you get a baffled look that tells you that not only do they have an idea why they chose what they chose, but that they never gave it a second thought, or blather out the same reasons everyone gives for it like a broken record, including, but not limited to “It’s the most natural thing in the world!”

It’s different when they’re your own!

This is the approach of people who think their shit doesn’t smell. It’s our children and their brats. I have no doubt that I would love my kids more than any other kid on the planet, but does it mean I want one? No. I’d still love my dog more, and that’s not fair on a kid.

My/Your child could grow up to cure cancer!

This tells about the mind set that humanity is the most important thing on the planet. It is all about us, no question about it. Sure, it would probably be nice if there was no cancer, but there’ll always be diseases, there’ll be death and misery, in one form or the other. The bottom line is, that if I don’t have a child, there’s no way he will cure cancer, but on the other hand, he won’t go onto a shooting rampage at the local high school either. You can’t tell what your kid is going to do, and if your reason for having one is the odd chance that he might do something really important… You’ll probably get seriously disappointed when your kid is just another average Joe.

You were a kid once, too!

This is a funny one, and I don’t quite understand the rationale behind it. How is the fact that I was a child, and had a very happy childhood at that, is going to persuade me to have one myself? Is it some sort of a pay back time? The price I have to pay for the privilege of having a life? I never asked for this life, so why should I pay for it?

Don’t you want to hear the pitter patter of little feet?

Another funny one… Why would a person who doesn’t really like kids find it tempting to hear their feet… I love the sound of a dog running on a hard surface, because it tells me about the steady pace, drive of the step and the majestic movement of my fieldie, but I’m sure the sound doesn’t awake similar feelings in people who don’t like dogs as much as I do.

Who will take care of you when you are old?

This is the most terrible reason of them all! If your rationale to have children is to have someone to take care of you when you grow old, you really dealt your kid a shit hand! My mom, bless her little cotton socks, has always been telling us to live our lives and not worry about them – meaning it too – and how she can’t wait to get into an old folks home, where she can get up in the morning to have a cup of coffee with the other old people and jaffle on until lunch, that someone else prepared for her, then have a nap and wake up to have another jaffle with the old timers. I know she’ll enjoy it too, she loves good long talks. So my point is… I hope these same people won’t tell anyone that they’re being selfish for not wanting to have kids, because that’s pot calling a kettle black.

Why’d you get married if you didn’t want kids? / The only reason to get married is to have children!

This is a sad one. It tells you that the person sees the opposite sex as nothing but a reproductive organ, like Phoena pointed out on her site. It says that they would not want to be married if they didn’t have kids. They would rather be alone. I bet they fight a lot at home… The other spouse is a nuisance, a necessary evil of child rearing, not a source of happiness and support.

Some day you’ll grow up and change your mind.

This shows nothing but disrespect. Sure, it’s forgivable to say this to a 6-year-old who probably also says that she hates boys, but after she turns 10 it’s just disrespectful.

It’s all worth it!

This is imposing your own values onto another person. Worth it how? You get joy out of it? Your kid will grow up to cure cancer? The humanity will not die out? Maybe I get joy of other things that are less stressful and more to my own liking?

If everyone thought the way you did, the population would die out!

Clearly everyone isn’t thinking my way. Let’s bring this up again when there is a slight danger that the human race is dying out. I’d be willing to bet any amount of money that the world comes to an end before the last human has died, mainly because in either case I won’t have to pay up.

If your mom felt like you do, you wouldn’t be here!

This is again the selfish reproductive instinct talking. It would not matter if I hadn’t been born. Nobody would miss me, I wouldn’t know any different, and it’s just a mindless argument all together. I’m not arrogant enough to think that what ever I have achieved in this world (which is not much) that it would have made a great difference to it. Some people would be sad to think about the world without me, but even so, it’s not THAT big of a loss if you never had it. I could just as easily cry after an imaginary friend and worry about the mother who refused to give her birth. I bet now you say that my life would have a greater meaning if I would have a child, but how is creating another meaningless life giving a meaning to the first one? You know the saying two wrongs doesn’t make one right?

It’s the most important job in the world!

I agree, but I don’t think me not doing it is hurting anyone. However, a lot of people doing this job is hurting a lot of other people by their idiocy and mindset that “mother always knows best” and “mother’s are angels from above”, when in more cases the sentiment along the lines of mothers know squat and mothers are punishments from God is more accurate…

My kids are the best thing that ever happened to me.

My mom said that to me. She said that her life would not have a meaning if she hadn’t had me and my brother. It troubles me a great deal. The amount of grief I’ve given her! If I’m the best thing, I would really hate to think about the worst.

You’re being selfish!

Not having kids is not selfish as it is. It can be quite the opposite. Having children is also selfish, what ever we do is in a way selfish and at least it comes with a reward of a sort. People NEVER do ANYTHING that they don’t get something in return, be it praise, self-worth, sense of achievement, bragging rights, freedom, simple pleasure… In that regard not having children isn’t any more selfish than having them is.

Children are the future!!

And in the future, I’ll be gone. Children will be the future regardless what I do about it. In fact, not having children will be freeing up some time for me to educate other people’s kids in great quantities, maybe sharing some of the insights I have of the world, and mending traumas inflicted upon them by their parents. I can have a greater influence on the future adults by concentrating on my writing that I ever would have if I was just concentrating in getting my own offspring to school in time every morning.

Nothing is better than ‘new baby’ smell!

I do much prefer the ‘new puppy’ smell though. Unfortunately, both of them wear off and that is not a reason for having a baby nor getting a puppy.