My Dear Hard Drive

How many times have you heard the advice: you have to work on your relationship? To me it sounds like: “If I want to work on my relationship, I have to imagine what I would do if I was truly in love with the person I’m with.” Already there is a problem. There was a problem to start with.

In my opinion marriages don’t fail because of the lack of trying. People don’t give up too easily. In my opinion, a lot of people are going too far into the relationship with people they shouldn’t have gone beyond the fourth date or something. People stay in relationships that don’t work, because they DON’T WANT TO GIVE UP. They don’t want to feel like they wasted all that time with the wrong person, so they rather work on the relationship to make the wrong person right. What do you think the chances of that working are?

People who are not in a good relationship see other couples who go have dinners at restaurants, take picnics and spend time together as examples of people who work on their relationship. “We should do that” they say. People who are doing that though probably are not thinking about things they HAVE TO do with their partner, but things they GET TO do together.

Having a good working relationship doesn’t mean not having problems. Sure you might have problems, but when there is that one thing that works; you love spending time together and see each other as friends, then the rest of the problems can be solved. Spending time together is a break from everything else, and there’s one more thing I don’t quite get: “Spending time together as a couple”. It suggests that there is some things that couples do that make the relationship work better, and that it somehow difficult to do or I don’t know… It’s something special, something that neighter one of you would probably want to do really. Watching the telly isn’t probably going to contribute to your relationship, even though I think when added to the rest of the things you do together, it can be a good way to relax together and just wind down. The other things should come naturally, things you like to do anyway. If you are with the right person, you probably have a whole range of things you like doing together, and not necessarily “as a couple”. In fact, it might be that you have to actually think about what it is that you are not doing together, like things you do with just your friends or alone, but of course, those things are important as well and you shouldn’t live without anything else in your life apart from your partner – that’s not healthy either.

Finding that right person is a very hard task. The more quirks you have, the harder it is to find that right person. I know though, that with persistence you will find the right person, and being alone should always be a more appealing option than a relationship that doesn’t work. You shouldn’t be afraid of being alone, because the alone times are always a chance for us to make things better. Make ourselves better, make our lives better, and to find that special someone that will make put a silver lining to every cloud in your life.

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