I just wanna be somebody.
Some people get attention. Some people don’t. It is the truth both online and offline. The difference between the ways we get attention online and offline is very different though. Theresa of Bumpy Path put anonymity in a whole new perspective for me, and I need to try to shed some light into what it made me think about.
Online you are fighting for links, page ranks, stumbles and what not, to get ahead, to get attention, to be seen. You need to become somebody to be noticed, to make a splash or to make some money. You are competing with everyone writing the same language as you do. It would be fairly easy to become the most successful blogger in a country like Finland writing in Finnish, as it is fairly easy to become a celebrity in a country of 5 000 000 people. There’s not much competition. Online, the whole world is your oyster… And your competition. You all look alike at the first glance. Your potential admirers cannot just take a glance and decide they want to know more about you. They need to stop and think.
While beautiful and interesting looking people get plenty of attention in the real life just by being where ever they are, online it is a lot harder. Sure you can stick your photo on your avatar or dating profile picture only to be assumed to be fake. I cannot tell you how many times in the past I have answered the question “is it really you in the photo” and in the end I didn’t even see the flattery in the question, but simply wanted to write an all caps message back saying: “WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK IT IS?!” but then it is understandable that people would ask that question, because the Internet is notoriously anonymous. You can be who ever you want online… But what if you just want to be you? One of the selling points of Second Life is that you can create an avatar that looks like what ever you want it to look like. I went on and hired a designer to make me an avatar using my own photo as a model as I couldn’t get it close enough myself. There she is, the SL-me, in my bald phase.
But, come to think of it; Is your online persona really the one you truly are? I mean, with that SL-avatar, the last time I logged in, I bought her a long brown hair, the kind I used to have. I could have bought a short hair style like the one I have now after growing it out, but I didn’t because it wasn’t me. With my short hair, I feel like I am in somebody else’s skin the whole time. If I would gain weight, I wouldn’t make my avatar look fat, because that wouldn’t be me. Online, we indulge in fantasies and activities we would never dream of doing “in the real life”, but isn’t it really that person that you are online, that is the most genuine one of your personas? The one you ache to be? No matter what is your darkest fantasy, isn’t that the one that defines who you want to be, and essentially, who you are, regardless of if you have acted on your impulses or not. As I read somewhere; “A murderer is a murderer before he kills.” Your actions don’t define who you are, what you want to be does. (Under that notion I will now notify to you all that I am a wedding dress designer, a general artist, philosopher and a writer.)
To go back to the difference in seeking attention online and offline, it is quite stressful for me to do online. In my time I got used to being picked out of a night club queue by the bounchers to come straight in, attention is more or less given, in small portions and in big ones, good or bad, it’s there. At least I can see people looking at me, taking a glance that is just a tad too long, that tells me I was somehow interesting to them. Online, you must do something for your attention. You can’t tell if people are looking at you or are they just passing you without paying attention. Are you just on their way as they are going forth towards bigger and better things… That is why, at least to me, a comment is more valuable than gold. It doesn’t have to be clever, long or thought out, just enough to know that someone noticed me. To let me know I’m not just talking to myself here. That is not to beg you for comments, just to explain why they are so nice to get. The statistics, no matter how big the traffic flow, will never replace the pleasure of knowing that YOU paid attention, no matter who you are.
| 2.5 |
Off topic Child Free discussion board.
Should you collect Barbie, try my Barbie board.
Searchingwithin (Who am I?)
4 months ago
Just leaving you a message to let you know that you are not just speaking to yourself, and that I did stop by and notice.
~Best Wishes~
Searchingwithins last blog post..Aw, The Sweet Smell of Revenge
Sebastyne (Who am I?)
4 months ago
Thank you Searchingwithin, for noticing, and obviously reading to the last line. It feels nice and warm.
Theresa (Who am I?)
4 months ago
I think I have to agree with you, that my “online persona” IS who I am. But, I don’t choose to have a multi-layered personality. Too much work! I speak the way I write, write the way I speak, so to speak. The written word doesn’t catch the vocal inflections, the glint in the eye or the look on the face, and that is where the confusion comes in. My years as an instructor taught me the benefits of speaking cleanly and clearly though, and that for sure comes through in the writing.
Seb, there’s a song out there with “Dance like no one is watching, sing like no one is listening…” in it, and it’s a valuable thing to think about. Look inside for what really makes you valuable.
Theresa (Who am I?)
4 months ago
Shoot, I goofed. And I fixed it myself!
Oh, and I did read down to the last line, so you get 2 out of me… LOL
Theresas last blog post..Politicians Run With Selective Vision
J (Who am I?)
4 months ago
i really enjoyed this post, and i completely agree with you.
Js last blog post..High Fashion Shoot (Killer Heels and No Snakes This Time!)
Aldon Huffhines (Who am I?)
4 months ago
Great blog post. I’m very active in Second Life (when I’m not too busy with my first life). I am the business editor for the Second Life News Network and active in many parts of the community. I’ve got pretty good traffic and page rank on my blog, but that isn’t what defines me.
What defines me is my interaction with the people around me. I’ve tried to make my primary avatar look, as much as possible, like my real life body. But I also sometimes appear as a child, as a cat, or even as a dolphin.
You see, I think all of us are much more complicated that we might seem based on a single avatar, a collection of get rich now blog posts, or even the way we sometimes superficially interact face to face.
So I think I am more than even the summation of all my different personae online.
And yes, I don’t get a lot of comments either, but I know that people listen to me, and I want you to know that I am listening to you. And yes, Theresa is right, dance like no one is watching.
Aldon Huffhiness last blog post..A Moment in History
Sebastyne (Who am I?)
4 months ago
Sorry everyone for not answering sooner, I haven’t been at home or online for a week or so.
@ Theresa, that is a good thing to keep in mind “dance like nobody is watching”.. When I did that, or do that, that is when I write my best stuff. Unfortunately, I noticed that when that happens, people start paying attention, and then you have to explain why your steps aren’t clean…
@ Jen, thanks for letting me know!
@ Aldon, Come to think of it, I too have a second avatar on Second Life. I sometimes walk around as a teddy bear, and I totally love that avatar too. That displays my childish side, which is a huge side of me that cannot be displayed by the normal avatar even though it’s fairly easy to display in everyday life. (I have a pink Barbie-hand bag for example.)
You said a magic word there; “interaction”. That is exactly what defines you, the things people say to you, how you respond, how your opinion differs from the others and so forth. You could not define yourself if people wouldn’t give you feedback. It’s like looking into a mirror and not seeing yourself looking back.
Famous Boy (Who am I?)
4 months ago
It is hard for me to getting someone attention in offline, i am always find the hole in my road
Most of people doesn’t looks like their appearance, there are a lot of monsters out of there in this sharky world. Tell me if i am wrong or not.
Btw, I think you’re an interesting people and you looks pretty my dear
Famous Boys last blog post..Power of Friendships
Sebastyne (Who am I?)
4 months ago
Heya Famous Boy - judging by your online name, you should get plenty of attention.
I’m not sure about the claim that people are not what they look like. If they are not, they seem to have some problem with their self-image. You know, like hiding under too big clothes as they THINK they are too fat to use more flattering outfits or such. I tend to be pretty accurate with my ability to “judge the book by its cover” although, of course, I too have made serious mistakes in that department but learned from them. Sometimes I have been blinded by physical beauty so that I failed to see the true person behind it, but I do it less these days.
Lorelei (Who am I?)
3 months ago
That’s a very good post. No matter how much I try to be as much myself as possible, it seems as though no one quite believes that I am me. With me, in real life I am “somebody”, I am an actress, musician, writer, animal activist and so forth, online, especially in the blogging community I am a nobody. I have had people on BC tell me that I was impersonating myself.. interesting concept, but I digress I completely get where you are coming from with this. My blog is filled with struggles, divorces, etc but it is all overshadowed by the acting, and ultimatly it cancels out. I don’t know if there is truly any way to ever be a somebody online, though I am thinking of taking a page out of Tila Tequila’s book
Loreleis last blog post..Ladies Love James- cute indy flick shooting in Philly in Oct.
Ingrid (Who am I?)
3 months ago
hello! (:
You know, I have heard so much about that second life thingy, and I have never tried it out! Only now that you wrote about it and talk about the second life, I’m thinking of trying it out myself.
And about that - are you really the person online as in real life.. Well I think that for instance I am a open person in real life as the same online.. but the thing is that sometimes being an very open person on the internet gets me much farther then being an open person in real life..
I think it’s because of the society that I live in, .. and on the internet, when I talk to people in English and from all over the world, I feel much more at peace with myself, and the people who don’t know me they might judge me, but it’s just not the same as the person who you are used to live together or smth.. is judging you
.. anyway, I’m not sure where I’m going with this comment, thehee.. :DI got lost in my own train of thought..
.. you have a really nice blog, and thanks for the post
Take care and lots of luck!
Ingrid
Ingrids last blog post..These days everyone is a genius..
Sebastyne (Who am I?)
3 months ago
@ Lorelai, I was once listening to an interview of Dolly Parton. She said she sometime attended a Dolly Parton lookalike -competition in Las Vegas and LOST.
You reminded me of that by “impersonating yourself” on your blog. 
But I know what you mean. Being so talented and beautiful as you are, it is tough to convince people that you are real. It makes it easier for them to believe, that talented people are a figment of the imagination of Hollywood producers, and such things will not interfere with their mundane lives. I understand why they would want to protect their self-esteem with the belief, but still it annoys me.
@ Ingrid; I understand completely what you mean by being more free to be yourself outside of your own surroundings. I always say that I’m funnier in English than what I am in Finnish, and that is just because English is my “grown up language” while in Finnish I am still a bit of that moms and dads little girl who cannot be who she is without being judged. It is the language, in part, keeping you in control. To add to that, the social rules in Finland, and probably in Estonia as well, are quite restricting. In Finland, in my experience, being different in any way is not tolerated very well.
Thank you both for your comments and your very very kind words at BlogCatalog.