And the kryptonite, you can use it. :p

That is what I though too, that once I was autonomous, out of the house, married, and the sort, she wouldn’t have the right to make me feel like s***. However, I moved out the house 13 years ago, gradually making my own life more and more separate to hers, sometimes desperately so. I have never asked for their (my parents) help, but they have given it to me sometimes against my will. Fortunately I don’t have kids yet, as that would start another set of “You are not doing it rights” as she already is criticising the way I keep my dog… Which is funny as she doesn’t know a thing about dogs, and she’s the first one to admit that, but somehow she’s convinced that despite me being a Finnish Kennel Club qualified dog breeder she would still know better.

The situation is better now, that we live on the other side of the planet with my husband, who is from here, but I can still hear the strain in her voice in her emails… She doesn’t know how to talk to me, as she thinks I’m misinterpreting everything and judging her, so she’s very careful with her words until she just goes over the rail and starts spitting out stupid things. So I’m just waiting for that to happen, constantly, “when is she going to say something…” as there’s usually no warning before it happens.

But yeah, that would be my reason for making it my business to tell someone what I thought of them, as it is MY MINE ME PAY ME WORK ON IT. And I like it. “Quit making it my business”. I’ll keep that in mind.

That is very optimistic to view her as just getting her words mixed up; as I, too, am no friend to the spoken word. Well. Let’s say the spoken word is no friend to me! Shyness coupled with slight social retardation, ADD and all that. A friend said to me once, “You look cute today!” I blurted out -after having a day of anger at compliments which I cannot take - “I can’t help it!”

[She made some crack about me having exceptionally good self-esteem when the truth was I was responding *in my head* to the query..."See how you're not blending in? See how people are noticing you?" Amazingly different to what it *sounded* like, eh?]

I do completely understand the “wrong hands” but I have an out for you. Let’s see. Give me a minute to spin it… Ah. Your discussion board…? Your discussion board? On your web server? That you pay for and/or maintain? … see where i am going…

This might help: I had a friend over at my house. She was high on pills and obnoxious. Normally, not my business but she *was* in my house and perhaps it was not *my business* but still…Because it *IS* my house and her behaviors were off the chain, I felt safe in expressing to her her erratic behaviors. [After all, I don't want some doped up person dropping by my house!]

Had she said, “What you think of me is none of my business!” I would have responded, “Well then get to steppin’ and quit makin’ my business!” You like that?

The fact is we’re all going to have a need to express our truth and what makes us uncomfortable and so forth…but even if it’s *not our business* we will sometimes feel it to be so or it really may [in the context of the relationship or situation] be *made* to be our business.

I can see me at 10 to Mom after I have experienced purple eyeshadow: “You look like a prostitute honey. Go wash it off!” Me: “What you think of me is not my business.” [LoL] Truth is…not it’s not in the universal sense of the intent, but in the physical truth of the world…she owns me until I am autonomous! [So she has a right , if not an obligation, to make my behaviors her business.]

I hope it makes some sense so that it sits better anyway! You’re funny… Kryptonite…Hah.
Samsaras last blog post..Top 7 Drunk and Alcoholic Related Episodes as a Kid

I did get the point of your article, and I did enjoy it a lot… However I just made it my business, not too long ago, to tell a person what I thought of her actions on my discussion board. I hoped she would take my thoughts on board and look into the mirror, but if what I think of her is none of her concern, and if I would fully agree with this line of thought, then that would mean I was completely out of line with her, and I hope I wasn’t. I think I wasn’t. Or maybe I am rather concerned that what if the power of this phrase would get into the wrong hands. I’m sure you get my point. :p

I appreciate you taking the time to visit my blog and comment, very nice of you!

[Strange creatures mothers. We spend our whole life trying to cut the apron strings but then deep down in that dark abyss we'd never admit to, secretly yearn for that phone call that says, "You're doin' AWESOME! Wish I could have been as together as you are!"] The irony.

I appreciate you’re referencing the article in the question of your Mom but, to be honest, yeah I lump my Mom right on in with the rest of the sordid creatures who enjoy making their opinion my business. Of course, she’s my mother, so I have a larger tolerance gauge and a lot more forgiveness when she does it. Not to mention I know she does it out of concern and love; the few times she has ever done it.

I am grateful I’ve never had a Mother who thought it in my best interest to chronically share with me all of my human born defects. Nah…she just insults the people around me who “may be taking advantage” or something similar. So the worst I get is a really kind told you so.

The “None of my business” thought is based on Agreement #2 of the Four Agreements’ “Don’t Take Anything Personally.” In undertsnaing that section, in this instance I decided to relegate it to just the spoken word because the message is still the same:

When people speak about us, TO us, or TO us ABOUT us, no matter what it is [yes, even a compliment] it’s based in their own version of reality or interpretation of the world and reality. [Complete with their culture, education, thought processes, psychology, filter and experiences and [a million other things?].]

It’s just a neat little way to view the world.

Thanks for the reference and linkage, friend!
Neat spot you have here.

Samsara

Samsaras last blog post..Top 7 Drunk and Alcoholic Related Episodes as a Kid