What you think of me is none of my business

I read this article by Samsara of Living with Samsara… Oh, to be honest, I didn’t read ALL of it, as it was very very long, but I found it interesting, and stopped reading when something hit me. She wrote:

“Hopefully now, though, you maybe understand a little more why it is you feel uncomfortable when someone decides they want to share with you their less than flattering and less than loving thoughts about you; or share with you someone else’s thoughts about you.”

By golly! I don’t really have a problem with concerning myself over what people think of me, after coming to the realisation that I didn’t care what they thought of me… Except for once, when I had a big fall out with a friend who had a popular blog and an evil tongue that she knew how to use. I was concerned about what kind of stories she would make up about me, but even though I had an access to one of the databases that very likely was being used for the purpose of talking about me, I managed to control my desire to go through it and read it. Maybe I was unrealistic with the interest that people would have with talking about me in the first place, but at the time I think my concerns were valid.

However, that paragraph didn’t remind me of this occasion, but the constant with my mother. Like most mothers, she too makes it very much her business to remind me of all the things I do wrong, think wrong or intend wrong. I have worried myself sick of what she thinks of me, and the irony is, that I worry, because I know her values in this life are so different to mine, that she cannot possibly agree with my choices. So in all in all, what do I worry about anyway? I can’t change her values, and she can’t change mine. It really isn’t my business what she thinks of me, and that is exactly what I should tell her the next time she wants to share a piece of her mind.

There’s a great difference between thinking “I don’t care” and “It’s none of my business” what you think of me. When in fact, normally you do care what people think about you, as you want to make them comfortable around you and all that, so you MUST care. However, what they DO think of you simply isn’t your concern. You’ve done your best to be what they want you to be without compromising who you are, and that is as far as anyone can ask you to go, and from there on, it’s none of your concern… Or is it?

Is this one of those things that have “up to a point” limit? I mean, if a person is being downright rude towards me, without much of a reason, is that person then supposed to ignore my message: “I think you are being unreasonably rude towards me.”

Argh. So… “Unless I’m doing something to hurt your feelings, it’s none of my business what you think of me.” Is that what we’re getting at? (Do I need to read the rest of the article?) And then, I could argue, that since I’m going against my mothers wishes repeatedly, I’m hurting her feelings and making her scared for me. Should that concern me? If you now want to tell me, that but you should not have to change who you are for someone else, I agree, but, what if that rude person really is that rude? Should she be? Is it enough that I just tell her that sorry, your values are not compatible with mine, please go be rude somewhere else. I mean, most times if you want to get rid of someone in your life, you have to give them a reason.

Also, if we are completely oblivious to each others thoughts about ourselves, how do we decide what “being me” is compared to “being her”? (As I believe we all came here to experience different stages of existence. Should the comparison thingy be left to God or who ever is in charge of this experiment called life?) Or should we just examine our own feelings or thoughts about other people? And then, if they think you’re great, should that fall under the same “none of my business” category?

Okay, well I think I get the point of that post, but I guess it’s not universal, like so few things are.

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