My Dear Hard Drive

Yes… I watch it. Still. I know exactly what a stupid brainless show it is, but I just keep watching. Here are some of the things that I find amusing.

1. If you run out of a room to end a discussion, nobody will be able to follow you beyond the door.
2. Nobody finds it icky to bang the same person that any of your family member has banged - this includes your mother and father.
3. Abortion is not an idea that ever enters the mind of a woman who is expecting a baby for her daughters husband.

4. Dating anyone who is not your blood sister or brother is okay.
5. Falling in love with your half sibling is a devastating thing to happen, but not unusual.
6. You know when a girl is in mood by the fact that she’s wearing sexy lingerie. Sex without sexy lingerie is impossible.
7. You can make anyone fall in love with you simply repeating the following sentences: “You are so very special to me.” “You are such a sexy, brilliant man/woman.” “We have so much history together.” No other substance is required for a relationship.
8. Everyone breaks up at the same time to make it possible for everyone to find a new partner.
9. No marriage survives for longer than 6 months.
10. One adult year equals about 5 child years.
11. Nobody remembers a murder attempt for longer than a year.
12. Murder attempts and their punishments are always negotiable inside the family.
13. You are never really completely dead. Some people have about 3 lives.
14. Everyone has a family doctor, family lawyer and a family detective.
15. To efficiently communicate, you have to walk around the person you are discussing with after every second sentence you exchange.
16. You are never too busy for anything really. Running an international fashion business means doodling some designs right before a big fashion show.
17. “The feel of the seams” is the key factor in a quality garment, and the only thing a designer should be worried about.
18. Nobody can see you looking in through a window.
19. It always snows on Big Bear mountain after the person you wanted to avoid gets there, even in the middle of summer. There is never a snow storm warning, even though they are always strong enough to block the roads.
20. It is possible to have had babies with multiple men, including your daughters two husbands and still be worried about moral issues.
21. There is only about 30 datable people in the whole of LA.
22. The best way to find a new person to date is to have one of your family members give birth to a new person.
23. To keep the dating world going, a lot of wives have to die.
24. Becoming an international level fashion designer is as easy as marrying into the family. No previous talent or education is needed.
25. Babies and children need no more attention from their parents than 5 minutes a week before their nanny takes them away.
26. You can spend 5 minutes a week with your baby or child and be considered an excellent, loving and caring parent.
27. It takes about a week to spill the beans when you need to confess something.
28. The only way not to be in contact with your family is either by dying or moving to Europe.
29. Moving to Europe is more permanent than dying.
30. The media still admires the whole family for their “integrity” and “uncompromising” way of living.